The past becomes amusing

At the weekend made a discovery as part of clearing a cupboard... actually friend Helen has a much nicer phrase than tidying, spring cleaning, she called it Life Laundering.
I'm hunting for a book which I'm sure we had, from m-i-l, its a needlewoman book, and of course I want to cut it up.  However, came across another one, which I don't recall seeing before.  I opened it and was howling with laughter, him indoors kept asking what was so funny.

Its called "Gifts You Can Make Yourself"   You may have seen you can buy greetings cards with photos on, of knittings patterns etc with witty words beside them - well I found the original words beside these, just as funny.  I've copied out the words below each pic, as they appear in the book - so you must say them in your very best Celia Johnson clipped English, from Brief Encounter!

FOR ANY WOMAN

A pretty yet practical gift is this unusual and attractive hat box.  It is shaped like a large drum and will hold several hats at one time.

 



FOR THE BRIDE

A gift that will always prove useful and cannot fail to please is this attractive tray.

 

FOR BIG SISTER

A most attractive "threesome,"

those quotations are in the book, not mine!

 

FOR THE SCHOOLGIRL

A gift that cannot fail to please is this practical set consisting of tennis racquet hold-all, cycle tool bag, and satchel.

 

FOR TINY TOTS

Designed for bath-time, this delightful little toy fish will cause endless amusement.

A piece of lead is screwed to the underside of the fish so that is remains horizontal just under the surface of the water.

 

 

FOR MOTHER

Three practical gifts for the kitchen that are sure to please.

...an extremely useful iron stand of asbestos supported on a brightly coloured wooden base....

 

There are loads more of course, some which today are really not very PC at all, and some have very very different meanings today.  And yes, there are knitted knickers in the collection.

But a phrase I'm still trying to work out "For the Matron" - clothing items, like cardigans, but different from "For the Business Woman" and also "For the Smart Matron" - apart from in a hospital, not sure I've heard of women as Matron, not quite sure what defines her.  With lead in toys and asbestos in the home, wonder anyone survived.